Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

When you were first  diagnosed with depression, did you already know you had Lyme disease?  Did you feel relieved? Angry? Frustrated?  Were you satisfied with that diagnosis?

I remember sobbing to my primary care doctor who had known me for years, and known me to be an athletic equestrian, and extremely optimistic – reluctant to attend my annual physicals, and even when I had specific pain or more of my  mysterious illnesses – he knew that I would refuse any further testing (to be told I was healthy) and besides, nothing kept me from riding my horses every day… but not anymore, the illness had brought me to my knees.

“Of course I’m depressed!”  I cried.  “I can’t ride – I can barely walk and I can’t tolerate any noise or light…my bedroom is a prison!  Every window in the house is draped with heavy blankets…wouldn’t you be depressed?”

Little did I know at that time how fortunate I was to have a doctor willing to listen – a doctor determined to find out what was wrong and one who was willing to stand up to his peers who emphatically disagreed with my doctor’s aggressive treatment – even without a positive Elisa (of course).  How fortunate I was to escape those horrific accusations I have heard from so many others with Lyme, “It is all in your head.”  Well, I later heard those words from egotistical specialists in Boston when I had spiraled down to even worse pain and disorientation.

Both doctors prescribed anti-depressants, anti-anxiety meds and continually increased the pain medication – four months after my Lyme diagnosis I was on Fentanyl patches which were also increased to keep me from hysteria and panic attacks.  By then I was convinced I was losing my mind.  A quiet sanitarium was beginning to sound like the only solution.  But my insurance wouldn’t cover it so I moved into a small room in my mother’s basement instead – for five long months having to crawl to the bathroom and spending most of my days in bed crying.

Of course I was depressed!  Even with all the medication (which did help by the way).  As I sold my beloved horses and gave away all my other animals (except for my small dog who spent hours curled against my throbbing side).  Did Lyme cause my depression?  Yes!  Three times yes!  By attacking my brain, by destroying the life that I had so loved and the loss of hope as I learned the horrific truth about the medical and political disputes…

But had I been suffering with depression earlier?  How do you measure the depression felt by someone with neurological Lyme disease?  Do we measure the body count of those who take their own life in spite of the drugs, counseling therapy and loved ones?

We really can’t measure – although we can be sure that if depression could be measured, it would be off the charts for most.

As the months continue to drag on for depressed LD victims, friends are frequently lost due to their inability to understand how you look well enough to function, and of course this adds to depression – it’s no surprise that depression gets worse for those who lose family members or marriage partners.  It seems nobody understands.  And the more alone we feel, the worse the depression gets.

So what is the answer?

Alternative medicine has essential oils, homeopathic cures, herbal remedies, meditation, acupuncture, acupressure, bio-feedback, light and even sound technology to soothe and ease depression.  And there is a new combination herbal capsule called Vilift which has helped many hundreds of people.  But sometimes that just isn’t enough.

Conventional medicine has hundreds of pharmaceuticals and if alternative therapy is not helping you cope it is imperative that you go to a doctor and get some prescription meds – if only for awhile to get you through the worse days, weeks or months – but always with supervision.  I don’t want you or me to add ourselves to the ever expanding list of fatalities by ignoring the very dangerous symptom of depression.

Don’t try to tough it out.  There are enough symptoms you will need to be tough to handle, be good to yourself and take depression off your list of symptoms.  Participate in forums to get some guidance and encouragement from other who suffer.